How do you cut down a wedding guest list without upsetting people?

Short answer

Be honest early, keep the criteria consistent, and explain your choices privately rather than in a group setting. Kindness comes from treating everyone the same way.

Start by agreeing on clear rules together. Decide whether you are having an adults-only day, whether you will invite work colleagues or only friends you see regularly, and whether distant relatives are included. Write these rules down so you both stick to them.

When you have to say no, do it personally and early. A phone call or a handwritten note is warmer than a text or an email. You can say that you are keeping the day small and that you hope they understand. Most people will respect a clear, consistent boundary.

Avoid making exceptions that break your own rules, because that is what causes hurt feelings. If you invite one cousin's whole family, you will be expected to invite everyone else's. Do not post a public list either, since that invites comparison.

For those you cannot invite, offer a way to share the day. You might send a photo or a video link after the wedding, or meet them for a meal later. That keeps the relationship warm even if they are not at the ceremony.