What not to say in wedding vows?

Short answer

Avoid past relationships, inside jokes guests won't get, and anything that breaks the legal wording of your ceremony. Keep promises realistic and respectful to everyone present.

Your vows are a public promise, so think about who is listening. Avoid mentioning ex-partners, arguments from the past, or old grievances. These moments can make guests uncomfortable and take the focus away from your commitment to each other. Inside jokes that only you two understand may leave your audience confused. A short, shared reference is fine, but explain it briefly so everyone feels included.

You should also avoid promises you cannot keep. Saying you will never argue, always agree, or change a habit you have not worked on can set you up for disappointment. It is better to make honest, achievable commitments about how you will treat each other. This is especially true if you have children from previous relationships or shared responsibilities.

If you are having a civil ceremony, remember that religious content such as hymns, prayers or religious readings is not allowed. Poems, songs and non-religious readings are fine if the registrar agrees, but check this in advance. For religious ceremonies, follow the guidance of your place of worship. If you are unsure about what is permitted, ask the registrar or your officiant before you write your vows. Keep the tone kind, specific and true to your relationship.