How do you ask parents to contribute to the wedding without causing offence?

Start with a private, relaxed conversation, not a group email or a text. Choose a moment when you are both calm and unhurried. Begin by sharing your excitement and your general plans, then be direct but soft: "We are starting to budget for the wedding, and we wondered if you would like to contribute in any way."

Make it clear there is no pressure. Say that you are happy to manage everything yourselves, but you would love their support if they feel able. Listen to what they say. They may offer a fixed amount, offer to cover a specific item like the flowers or the bar, or say they cannot help at all. Accept any answer with grace.

If they do not offer, do not push. Some parents cannot afford to help, and some prefer not to. Respect that. You can also suggest non-financial help, such as helping with DIY, or simply being there on the day.

Avoid making them feel guilty or comparing them to other families. The goal is to keep your relationship warm, whatever they decide. If they do contribute, thank them sincerely and keep them updated on how their money is being used.