Wedding RSVP Etiquette: When and How to Reply

Reply as soon as you can, ideally within a week of receiving the invitation. The couple needs a final headcount for the venue and caterer, so do not wait until the deadline. If the invitation includes a reply date, treat it as a firm deadline, not a suggestion. If you have not received an invitation but have had a save the date, wait until the invitation arrives before replying. If you are unsure whether you can attend, it is better to reply no than to say yes and cancel later.

The invitation will tell you how to reply. It may be a printed reply card, an email, a phone call, or an online RSVP through the couple's wedding website. Use the method they have asked for. If they have given a reply card with a stamped envelope, send it back. If they have given a website address, use that. Do not reply on social media or by word of mouth. If you are unsure, ask the couple or a member of the wedding party. Always include the names of everyone who is invited, and spell them as they appear on the invitation.

A reply card usually asks for the number of guests attending and the names of those guests. Write clearly and legibly. If you are attending, write 'accepts with pleasure' or tick the 'attending' box. If you are not, write 'declines with regret' or tick the 'not attending' box. If there is a line for dietary requirements, list any allergies or preferences. If you are bringing a child, include their name. If you have been given a plus-one, include their full name. If you are not sure whether you have a plus-one, check the invitation envelope. It will usually say 'and guest' or name the person.

If you cannot attend, reply no as soon as you know. You do not need to give a reason, but a brief, polite note is kind. For example, 'Thank you so much for the invitation. I am so sorry, but I will not be able to attend. I wish you a wonderful day.' If you have already accepted and then cannot go, let the couple know immediately. It is better to tell them than to leave them expecting you. If you decline, you are not expected to send a gift, though a card or a small gift is a thoughtful gesture. Do not ask to change your reply later unless there is an emergency.

A save the date is not an invitation. It is a heads-up that an invitation will follow. You do not need to reply to a save the date, but it is helpful to let the couple know you have received it if they have asked for that. If you already know you cannot attend, let them know as soon as possible. That gives them time to invite someone else if they wish. Do not assume you are invited just because you received a save the date. Wait for the formal invitation. If you receive a save the date and then do not receive an invitation, do not ask why. It may mean the couple had to limit numbers.

If you cannot attend the wedding, you are not obliged to send a gift. However, many guests choose to send a card or a small gift to show they are thinking of the couple. If you do send a gift, send it to the couple's home address, not to the venue. You can send it before the wedding or shortly after. If the couple has a gift list, you can choose something from that. If you are giving money, send it with a card. There is no set amount. Give what you can afford and what feels right. If you are attending, you usually bring a gift to the wedding or send it beforehand. If you are not attending, a gift is optional but always appreciated.

This section is for couples, not guests. If you are the couple and some guests have not replied by the deadline, it is acceptable to contact them. Send a polite message or call them. Say something like, 'We are just checking if you received our invitation. We need to give final numbers to the venue soon. We would love to see you there, but we understand if you cannot make it.' Do not assume silence means no. Some people forget or lose the reply card. Give them a clear date to reply by. If they still do not reply, you are not obliged to chase them again. You can assume they are not coming.