Who picks the best man at a wedding?

Short answer

The groom usually picks the best man. He chooses someone close, often a brother or best friend, who is organised, reliable and comfortable speaking in public. The couple may discuss it, but the choice is normally the groom's.

Traditionally, the groom chooses the best man, and this is still the usual way. He picks someone he trusts completely: a brother, a childhood friend or his closest mate. The role needs someone organised and calm, because they will help with planning, hold the rings and give a speech. It does not have to be a man: anyone can be a best man or best person, whatever their gender, and many couples choose a sister or friend instead.

Sometimes the couple chooses together, especially if they are sharing wedding party roles or having a joint hen and stag do. If the groom has no obvious choice, he might ask a parent, a cousin or a work friend. The main thing is to pick someone who will actually show up, help out and speak kindly. It is also fine to have two best men, or to share the duties between friends, as long as everyone knows their role.

If you are choosing, talk to the person first and check they are happy to take it on. Be clear about what you need, and let them know you will support them with the speech and planning. The best man does not have to be the funniest or most confident person, just someone reliable who cares about you.