How do you include stepchildren in a wedding ceremony?

Including stepchildren is a lovely way to welcome them into your new family. Start by sitting down with them when things are calm. Ask what they would like to do and listen to their answer without pressure. Some children want to walk down the aisle, others prefer to sit with a parent or help at the reception.

There are many gentle ways to involve them:

• Ask a stepchild to give a reading or a short speech
• Have them carry the rings or hold a bouquet
• Include them in a unity ritual, like a family candle or sand ceremony
• Write a line into your vows that mentions them
• Give them a small token to wear or keep on the day

If you are marrying in a register office or an approved venue, civil ceremonies cannot include religious content, but poems, songs and non-religious readings are fine if the registrar agrees. For a religious building, check with the place of worship, as rules can vary. Humanist ceremonies are not legally binding on their own in England and Wales, so you may need a separate civil ceremony. In Scotland and Northern Ireland, humanist celebrants can conduct legal weddings, but you should still confirm with your celebrant.

Keep it simple and let the children feel proud rather than performative. A rehearsal or a quick chat before the ceremony can ease nerves. Most importantly, make sure they know they are welcome and valued.