Who Should Get Save the Dates? Guest List Etiquette

Save the dates are a short, simple announcement that tells your guests the date and location of your wedding before the formal invitation arrives. Their job is not to ask for a reply or to share every detail. They give people time to book time off work, arrange childcare, sort transport and, for guests travelling a long way, plan accommodation.

You do not have to send them. Many couples choose to send only invitations, especially for a small wedding or a short engagement. But if your wedding falls on a bank holiday, a school holiday, a popular weekend or a date when many people may already be busy, save the dates are a thoughtful way to help your guests plan.

Send a save the date to every person you intend to invite to the wedding, whether they are a day guest, an evening guest or a guest joining for the whole day. If someone is on your guest list, they should hear the date from you, not through a relative or a social media post.

That includes close family, friends, colleagues, neighbours and anyone else you plan to welcome. It also includes children if they are invited. If you are not inviting children, do not send a save the date to the children themselves, but do make it clear to their parents on the save the date or in a separate note.

You can skip people you are not inviting. Do not send a save the date as a courtesy to someone who will not receive an invitation. That creates confusion and hurt feelings. If you are unsure whether someone will make the final list, wait until you are sure before sending anything.

Yes, if you have already decided who your evening guests are, send them a save the date. Evening guests need just as much notice as day guests, especially if they need to arrange a babysitter, finish work early or travel across town.

If you have not finalised your evening guest list yet, you have two options. You can wait until you know, then send a save the date with a note saying the invitation will follow. Or you can send a save the date to everyone you think may be invited, then follow up with a proper invitation later. The second option is riskier, because some people may assume they are day guests. If you choose it, be clear on the save the date that it is for the evening celebration only.

A simple wording for evening guests is: "Please save the evening of Saturday 14 June for our wedding reception. A formal invitation will follow." That sets the right expectation without promising a full day.

Send save the dates to out of town guests as early as possible, ideally 10 to 12 months before the wedding, and no later than 6 months before. Guests who need to book flights, ferries, trains or hotels will appreciate the extra time to compare prices and arrange time off.

For guests travelling from abroad, consider sending their save the date even earlier, especially if they need to apply for a passport or visa. You can also include a note about the nearest airport or train station, but keep it brief. Full travel details belong in the invitation or on your wedding website.

If you are having a destination wedding in the UK, such as in Scotland or Cornwall, treat every guest as an out of town guest. Send save the dates as soon as you have confirmed the date and venue, and let people know that accommodation is limited in the area.

A save the date card needs only the essentials: your names, the date, the location (town or venue) and a line saying a formal invitation will follow. You can add your wedding website address if you have one, but do not overload the card with details.

For a wedding reception only, write something like: "We are getting married in a private ceremony, and we would love you to celebrate with us afterwards. Please save the date for our reception." That is honest and avoids confusion about whether guests are invited to the ceremony.

For a destination wedding, include the country or region as well as the town, so guests can start thinking about travel. You might add "More details to follow" or "Invitation and travel information to follow". You do not need to include dress code, gift list or menu choices on a save the date.

Do not send RSVP cards with save the dates. Save the dates are not an invitation, and guests should not be asked to reply at this stage. RSVP cards belong with the formal invitation, which you send later, usually 6 to 8 weeks before the wedding.

You can skip anyone who is not on your final guest list. That includes plus ones you have not confirmed, children you are not inviting, colleagues you see socially but do not plan to invite, and distant relatives who will not be asked.

You can also skip people who already know the date because they are closely involved, such as your parents, your wedding party and your witnesses. They will know the date from helping you plan, so a save the date is unnecessary. You can still send them one as a keepsake if you like, but it is not required.

If you are having a very small wedding, such as a ceremony with only immediate family, you do not need save the dates at all. A phone call or a message to each guest is enough. Save the dates are most useful for weddings with a larger guest list, especially when many guests are travelling.

Save the dates are not only for weddings. You can use the same idea for a birthday party, a graduation party, a baby shower or a milestone anniversary. The wording follows the same pattern: who is celebrating, what the event is, the date and the place.

For a birthday party: "Join us to celebrate [Name]'s 30th birthday. Save the date for Saturday 20 September. Invitation to follow." For a graduation party: "We are throwing a party to celebrate [Name]'s graduation. Save the date for Sunday 5 October." For a baby shower: "Please save the date for a baby shower in honour of [Name]. More details to come."

The same rules apply. Send them to everyone you plan to invite, send them early, and do not ask for a reply. Keep the wording warm and simple, and let the invitation carry the full details.