Wedding RSVP Etiquette: How to Reply and Chase Guests

When you receive a wedding invitation, reply as soon as you can, and always by the date on the card. The couple needs your answer to confirm numbers with the venue and caterers, so a prompt reply is a real kindness.

If you cannot attend, say so clearly and warmly. You do not need to give a reason unless you want to. A simple "We are so sorry we can't make it" is enough. If you can attend, write your name exactly as it appears on the invitation, so the couple can match you to their list.

If the invitation is addressed to you and a partner, include both names. If the envelope says "and guest", write your guest's full name if you know it by the reply date. If you do not know yet, tell the couple and confirm as soon as you can.

The RSVP card should be simple and clear. It usually has a line for the guest's name, a line for their response, and a date by which to reply. Write your name neatly in full, tick the box or circle the option that matches your answer, and post it back in the pre-paid envelope provided.

If the card asks for meal choices, write your initials next to each option, or write your name and your choice clearly. For example, "Jo Smith: chicken". If you have dietary needs, write them in the space provided or add a short note. Do not write a long explanation; the couple will pass your note to the caterer.

If the card asks for song requests, you can add one or two, but do not feel obliged. If there is no space for a note, do not write on the back. The couple may not see it.

A meal choice RSVP card usually lists the main options and asks guests to indicate their preference. Keep the wording friendly and direct. For example: "Please tick your meal choice: Chicken, Beef, Vegetarian, Vegan." Add a line for dietary requirements: "Please note any allergies or dietary needs here."

If you are offering a children's meal, add a separate line: "Children's meal: yes or no." If you are asking guests to choose from a set menu, list the dishes clearly and ask them to write their initials next to their choice.

Remember, you do not have to offer a choice. Many couples now serve a single plated meal or a buffet, and the RSVP card simply asks guests to confirm attendance. That is perfectly fine and often easier for the caterer.

When you have a guest limit, the RSVP card must make clear that only the named guests are invited. Address the invitation to specific people, and on the card write: "We have reserved [number] seats in your honour." For example, "We have reserved 2 seats in your honour." Then ask guests to write the names of those attending.

If you are allowing a plus one, write "and guest" on the envelope and on the card. If you are not, do not write "and guest" anywhere. Be consistent, because guests may assume a plus one if the invitation is vague.

If a guest writes extra names on the card, you can politely say that you are sorry, but you are limited by the venue. Do not feel guilty. Your guest limit is real.

Many couples now ask for replies online, by text, by email, or through a QR code on the invitation. The wording should be simple and give clear instructions. For online replies, write: "Please reply at [your wedding website] by [date]." For text, write: "Please text your reply to [number] by [date]." For email, write: "Please email your reply to [address] by [date]."

If you use a QR code, print it on the card with the words: "Scan this code to reply." Make sure the code works and leads to a simple form. If you are using a wedding website, include the web address in full, because not everyone is confident with QR codes.

Whatever method you choose, keep the wording consistent. Do not ask for a reply by post and then also by text, unless you give a clear choice. The easier you make it, the more likely guests will reply on time.

When the reply date passes and you are still waiting, chase guests with warmth and a little humour. Send a short message or call them. Say something like: "We are just checking in because we have to give final numbers soon. We would love to see you, but completely understand if you cannot make it. Could you let us know by [date]?"

Keep the tone light. Do not make the guest feel guilty. They may have simply forgotten, or they may be unsure about travel or childcare. Give them a clear deadline and make it easy to say no.

If you still hear nothing, try once more after a few days. After that, you can assume they are not coming. It is fair to do this, because you need to confirm numbers with your venue. You do not need to chase more than twice.

If a guest never replies, you are not obliged to keep a seat for them. After two polite chases, you can count them as a no. When you confirm numbers with your venue, you are making a practical decision.

If the guest turns up on the day, you can be gracious and find a seat if possible, but you are not required to. Most venues can add a last-minute seat if there is space, but you should not plan for it.

To avoid this situation, make your reply date clear on the invitation and on your wedding website. You can also set your online RSVP to send automatic reminders a few days before the deadline. That is a gentle nudge that saves you from chasing.