First Dance Etiquette and Dance Steps for Beginners

Traditionally, the couple share the first dance, and it happens after the wedding breakfast and before the evening guests join or after they have arrived. But there is no legal rule. You can choose what feels right for you.

If you want to include parent dances, the usual order is: the couple dance first, then the couple dance with their parents. For example, you might have the couple dance alone for a minute, then invite your parents to join. Or you can have the bride dance with her dad while the groom dances with his mum, all at the same time. Some couples dance with both parents together, or with step-parents, grandparents, or siblings. There is no wrong way.

If you are having a same-sex couple, you can decide who dances with whom. Some couples dance with both fathers, both mothers, or no parents at all. The key is to plan it so everyone knows what is happening, and no one feels left out.

Most UK weddings hold the first dance after the meal and speeches, when the evening guests have arrived. This is often around 7 or 8 pm, but it depends on your venue and schedule. Some couples have it straight after the cake cutting, others wait until the dance floor is open.

You do not have to have a first dance at all. If you are shy or do not enjoy dancing, you can skip it. Some couples have a group dance instead, or they invite everyone to join them after a few seconds. Talk to your venue and DJ or band to agree a time that works for your day.

There is no single most played first dance song. Couples choose songs that mean something to them. Think about songs that remind you of when you met, a holiday, or a shared joke. You can choose a classic love song, an upbeat track, or something from your favourite film.

If you want ideas, consider these categories: classic songs like 'At Last' or 'Can't Help Falling in Love'; upbeat songs like 'Signed, Sealed, Delivered' or 'Thinking Out Loud'; country songs like 'Die a Happy Man' or 'Forever and Ever, Amen'; and songs for high school sweethearts like 'Perfect' or 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing'. You can also choose a song that is unique to you, such as a track from your favourite band or a song you danced to on your first date.

If you cannot decide, pick a song that makes you both smile when you hear it. You can also ask your DJ or band for suggestions, but remember the song is for you, not for the guests.

You do not need to be a professional dancer. The secret is to keep it simple and stay close. Here are a few easy moves you can practise at home.

• Start in a comfortable hold: put your hands on each other's waist or shoulders, and hold one hand each. Stand close enough that you can talk.
• Rock side to side: step to your left, then bring your right foot to meet it. Then step right, and bring your left foot. This is a gentle sway.
• Step forward and back: take a small step forward with your left foot, then bring your right foot to meet it. Then step back with your right foot, and bring your left foot. This is like a slow march.
• Turn slowly: when you feel ready, turn in a circle while keeping the same steps. Let your partner lead, or take turns.
• Stop and smile: if you forget the steps, just stop, laugh, and hold each other. Guests will love the honesty.

Practise in your living room with the song on repeat. Wear the shoes you will wear on the day, so you know how they feel. And remember, the dance is only a few minutes long. You can also ask your DJ to fade the song out early if you want.

Do plan ahead. Decide on your song, your steps, and how long you will dance. Do tell your DJ or band when to start and stop the music. Do have a signal for when you want guests to join you, such as a wave or a nod.

Don't worry about being perfect. Don't try complicated lifts or spins if you are not confident. Don't let anyone pressure you into a dance you do not want. Don't forget to smile and look at each other.

If you are having parent dances, do tell them in advance and agree on the songs. Do have a rehearsal if you can, but keep it relaxed. Don't feel you have to dance with every parent if that feels awkward. You can have a group dance with all parents together, or skip parent dances entirely.

Many couples say they cannot dance, but everyone can sway. The most important thing is to enjoy the moment. If you are really nervous, consider taking a short dance lesson. Many dance teachers offer private lessons for weddings, and you can learn a simple routine in a few sessions. You do not need to tell anyone you are having lessons.

Alternatively, you can choreograph a simple routine at home. Use a video or a friend to help. Or you can decide to have a group dance instead of a first dance. Some couples invite all their guests to the floor for a song, so there is no pressure on the couple.

Remember, your guests are there to celebrate you, not to judge your dancing. They will be cheering you on, not critiquing your footwork. So take a deep breath, hold your partner, and move to the music.

Your first dance is not a legal requirement. It is a tradition, so you are free to adapt it. In the UK, there are no rules about who dances with whom. You can include step-parents, grandparents, or close friends. You can have a same-sex couple dance together, and you can have a group dance instead.

If you are having a religious or cultural ceremony, check with your place of worship or celebrant about any traditions around dancing. For example, some cultures have specific dances after the ceremony, and you may want to include those. You can also mix traditions, such as having a traditional dance followed by a modern song.

Remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner. The first dance is a chance to show your love, not to follow a rulebook. So choose a song you love, move in a way that feels natural, and enjoy the moment.