Red Envelopes at Chinese Weddings: Rules and Amounts

Red envelopes, often called lai see or hongbao, are given by guests to the couple, and sometimes by the couple to their helpers and young relatives. As a guest, you give a red envelope as a wedding gift. It is a way to wish the couple prosperity, happiness and good fortune.

The couple also gives red envelopes to the bridal party, page boys, flower girls, and any young children in the family. These are usually smaller amounts and are a thank-you for their part in the day. If you are a parent of the couple, you may give a larger envelope as a blessing, but this is not a strict rule. Every family is different, so follow what feels right for your relationship and budget.

You usually give the red envelope at the wedding reception, either when you arrive or when you greet the couple. Many couples place a decorated gift box at the entrance for envelopes. If there is no box, hand your envelope to the couple personally, or to a member of the wedding party who is collecting gifts.

Some guests give the envelope before the wedding, for example at the engagement party or when they receive the invitation. That is fine too. The key is to give it before or on the day, not after. If you cannot attend the wedding, you can still send a red envelope with your best wishes, but it is not expected.

There is no fixed amount, and you should give what you can afford. In Chinese tradition, certain numbers are considered lucky, and others are avoided. Even numbers are preferred, especially numbers with the digit 8, which sounds like the word for prosperity. Avoid amounts that include 4, because it sounds like the word for death. So a gift of 88, 168 or 288 is often seen as auspicious, while 40 or 400 would be avoided.

Do not give coins, as they can feel impersonal. Use crisp, new notes if you can. The amount should be in line with your relationship to the couple. Close family and close friends often give more, while colleagues and acquaintances give a smaller, thoughtful amount. There is no need to match what others give. Give what feels generous to you, and remember that the thought and the blessing matter more than the figure.

Traditionally, red envelopes have gold or black characters printed on them, such as double happiness, which is the symbol for marriage. You can buy these at Chinese supermarkets, stationery shops or online. If you write your own message, keep it short and auspicious. Common phrases include: double happiness, good fortune, blessings, or a simple wish for a happy marriage.

You can also write your name on the back of the envelope, so the couple knows who the gift is from. This is especially useful if you are giving cash. Some couples keep a list of who gave what, so they can thank you later. Write in black or gold pen. Avoid red ink, as that is reserved for official stamps in some traditions. If you are not confident with Chinese characters, a simple English message such as "With love and best wishes" is perfectly acceptable.

Always use a new red envelope. Old or used envelopes are seen as unlucky. Do not seal the envelope with glue or tape if you are giving it in person, because the couple may want to open it later and reuse it. Many people fold the flap over instead. If you are placing it in a gift box, you can seal it, but it is not necessary.

Give and receive the envelope with both hands. This is a sign of respect. When you hand it over, offer a short blessing or a smile. The couple may not open the envelope in front of you. That is normal and polite. If you are a guest, do not ask how much someone else gave. If you are the couple, thank every guest warmly, whether the envelope is large or small. Never open envelopes in public.

During the Chinese tea ceremony, the couple serves tea to their elders, and in return, the elders give red envelopes. This is a key moment. If you are a parent, grandparent or older relative, you may give a red envelope to the couple after you drink the tea. This is a blessing for their new life together.

Some families also give jewellery or small gifts instead of, or alongside, the envelope. The envelope is the most common gift. If you are a guest watching the tea ceremony, you do not need to give an envelope at that point. Your envelope is for the reception. But if you are a close older relative, you may choose to give one during the tea ceremony as well. Follow the lead of the couple's family.

Cash is the traditional gift, but it is not the only option. If you prefer to give a physical gift, choose something from the couple's gift list, or something meaningful such as a piece of jewellery, a household item, or a framed photo. The key is to avoid giving items that symbolise bad luck, such as clocks, umbrellas or white flowers. These are associated with endings and funerals.

If you give a physical gift, you can still include a small red envelope with a card and a message. Some couples register with a shop or a website, and you can buy from there. If you are unsure, ask a member of the couple's family for guidance. They will be happy to help you choose something appropriate.